


Please tell me I'm not too late

by LittleMissKnowItAll



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissKnowItAll/pseuds/LittleMissKnowItAll
Summary: Buck has been distant for a while now and Eddie's had just about enough of it. But will he be able to get to the truth before it ruins their friendship?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 369
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Please tell me I'm not too late

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I write this dramatic angst-fest? I don't even know sometimes. But I really hope you'll like it anyway. <3
> 
> (Also, I wrote this after a long shift so if I didn't manage to take out all the mistakes, I'm sorry!)

It had been just another night like so many others, yet so unlike them too. Sure, Buck had still come over to play video games with Christopher, he'd still brought pizza and they'd still sat huddled together on the couch, a laughing Christopher squished between them. Yet, it hadn't been as carefree as usual, though Eddie can't truly put his finger on why it changed. It had changed, and yet it hadn’t.

Eddie could feel the difference, could feel the cold, distant stab of his best friend pulling away even though he was there with them. See, it's not like Buck had stopped coming over. He was still there a lot of the time, on days off or after a shift to play games or watch a movie. He was still there for Chris whenever the boy needed him, same as always. He wasn't pulling away from them...he was just pulling away from Eddie. And Eddie couldn't stand it anymore.

So, he'd waited for the right moment, waited for Christopher's eyes to droop, knowing that he'd want Buck to read him a bedtime story. And that's how he wound up here, throwing out the pizza boxes and putting their dirty plates in the dishwasher. He needed this, a moment of boring tasks so he could try and get his thoughts in order without having Buck close to him. Because whenever Buck was close, Eddie always found himself being pulled into the other mans energy, a carefree energy which used to bring him so much joy…yet now only made him even sadder because Buck didn't stay around anymore. Nowadays, as soon as Christopher was asleep, Buck was gone. Eddie’s face fell just thinking about it.

Closing the dishwasher, he just stood there for a moment, taking a deep breath to get himself ready for a conversation he wasn’t sure he really wanted to have. Because of this conversation, things would change. But then again, things had already changed. At least this time, Eddie had a say in the outcome…he hoped.

As soon as he heard the soft creak that indicated Buck was slowly closing the door to Christopher's room, as to not wake the boy up again, he took one last steadying breath and made his way out into the hall. 

Before, this used to be the part where he'd have two cold beers waiting and they'd put on a movie or watch a show while discussing their latest weird calls. Before…

Now, Eddie has to position himself close to the front door so he knows he can intercept Buck before he leaves with another soft "See you at work". A shiver runs through him as he thinks back to the first time Buck had left like that. Eddie had been sitting on the couch, two bottles of beer in front of him, the remote control waiting for Buck, as it was his turn to pick a movie. Eddie hadn't even truly registered Buck had left until he heard his car leave the driveway. He'd sat there stunned, fingers hovering over his phone for a while. He wanted an explanation, but hey, maybe Buck was just really tired form their last call. Right? So he'd decided to let it slip. Until it happened again...and again. Enough was enough!

That brings Eddie back to the hallway where he was standing, looking at his friend - were they even still friends? - coming towards him with a now famous closed off expression. 

“So”, Eddie started as soon as Buck was close enough to hear him, “Buck, I-“

At this, Buck shook his head. “Christopher’s asleep, I’m gonna head out. See you tomorrow, yeah?” Not once did he look Eddie in the eyes, his eyes focused on anything but the other man as his words came out in a rush.

Afraid he was going to lose his chance, Eddie reached out, but stopped himself when he saw Buck’s eyes widen. So, he kept his hand in the air between them, as a way to hopefully make Buck stay, just for a second longer.

“Wait, Buck, I was actually hoping we could talk. I just, I don’t know what’s going on but it’s clear that I did something.” At this, Buck dropped his head with a sigh.

Still staring at the ground, the younger man scoffed his feet for a second before speaking up again. “It’s nothing, okay. Don’t worry. I’m just tired.”

Eddie let out a humorless laugh and couldn’t ignore the way Buck winced at the sound. “Tired of me.”

Those words seemed to break something in Buck, as he finally looked up at Eddie, looking tired and so, so young. “I really don’t know what you want me to say right now.”

So there it was. How could one simple sentence feel like such a kick to the gut? Eddie felt his heart sink as sad eyes locked onto his. “I would’ve liked to hear you say that that wasn’t it”, Eddie breathes out, the air in his lungs becoming more painful with every breath. Was this really happening?

Eddie could see Buck’s eyes glowing now, a fire he hadn’t meant to start burning bright behind them. “I’m here, aren’t I?” Buck said, a little louder than he’d meant to as he shrugged his shoulders. “I honestly don’t know what you want from me, Eddie.”

“I want you to tell me what’s going on!” Eddie all but yelled back, sounding more desperate than he’d meant to. “I mean, are you even really here anymore?”

It was clear those last words had stunned Buck a bit as he blinked at the man in front of him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Eddie could feel his frustration growing, almost itching to start tearing his own hair out as that sounded like an easier, less painful activity than continuing this conversation. But he knew he had to keep going, knew he had to break down whatever wall Buck was keeping up. If this was the end of their friendship, he at least had the right to know what ended had it. "Buck, come on. We've barely spoken two words whenever it's just the two of us."

"We're talking now, aren't we?" Though the words were said in an angry tone, Eddie could see Buck slowly falling apart. It was a sight he hated to see, but for the first time in all their years of friendship it seemed necessary to finally get Buck to tell the truth. So Eddie pushed forward.

“Look, if this is the end of our friendship”, Eddie started, putting up his hands, “at least tell me what I did. I deserve to know that much, don’t I?”

Buck’s shoulders sagged as all the anger seemed to leave his body. “It’s not you.”

“I’m sorry?” Confused clear in his tone and face. This was definitely not what Eddie was expecting.

Buck let out a breathless laugh, the broken sound leaving a bad taste in Eddie’s mouth as he kept his eyes on the younger man. “It’s not you, Eddie. It’s”, Buck laughed at the cliché of it all, “it’s me.”

At this, Eddie took a tentative step closer, tilting his head as he took in the changes in Buck’s expression. “What do you mean?” As he saw Buck open his mouth, he quickly added. “Please, I need to know what that means, Buck.”

Buck looked defeated, tired and small. He shook his head, before running both hands down his face as if trying to find the strength to continue this conversation.

“It means that I’m the one who fucked this up”, another sad chuckle, “I saw something that wasn’t there.”

Eddie’s not sure what it was exactly about Buck’s expression and words, but his heart started racing as he felt hope bloom in his chest. Could Buck mean? No…right? Only one way to find out. “What did you see?”

“No, you know what, let’s not do this.” Buck responded, shaking his head before turning towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay. We’re good.”

Oh no you don’t. Eddie doesn’t know how his body managed to move that fast, but he’s glad it did. Because suddenly, he’s standing in front of Buck, hand on his chest holding him in place. “What did you mean, Buck?”

If it wasn’t for the light from outside, Eddie would’ve missed the way Buck’s eyes started to shine as tears made their way to the surface. “Please, I need to know.”

The silence in the house was deafening and if he were paying attention, Eddie’s pretty sure he would’ve been able to hear Christopher breathing in the other room.

Just as he was sure it was a lost cause, Buck opened his mouth. “I’ve fallen for you, okay? And for a while, I thought you might feel the same way. But then you made it very clear that wasn’t the case and I just needed some distance. I tried but I couldn’t pretend to be happy for you and I’m sorry, I know I’ve been a bad friend but even being near you is tearing me apart inside so please”, Buck begged brokenly, tears still threatening to spill, “Please let me go”.

Buck’s confession broke Eddie’s heart. Which, to be fair, seems only fair as Eddie broke Buck’s. God, he’d made a mess of this.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that”, Eddie said softly, hand still on Buck’s chest. “and I hope to god that after I finally say these long overdue words, you won’t want to anymore.”

Sliding his hand slowly upwards until his thumb found it’s spot on Buck’s neck, the feel of the other mans heartbeat gave him that last bit of courage he needed to finally tell Buck the truth.

“I wasn’t ready to start dating again. Not because of Shannon, but because I knew it wouldn’t last. I mean, look at Ana. She’s beautiful, smart and good with kids. I should have been thrilled that a woman like that wanted to go out with me”, Eddie said, hoping Buck would start to understand where this story was going. But, judging from his confused and hurt look, he wasn’t doing a good job yet. “But I wasn’t. I tried, okay? I tried to give her a chance, tried to make myself believe that this could be what I wanted but it was all an act. That’s why it barely lasted three dates. Because I knew I didn’t want her, couldn’t want her when my heart was already lost. I just thought I was the only one pining.” At this, he duck’s his head so he’s able to look at Buck in a ‘please tell me you’re getting this’ way. Judging from the look in his best friend’s eyes, his story is getting better as he sees the tiniest flicker of hope cross Buck’s face. It’s enough to make him smile. “Buck, I’ve been in love with you for longer than I’d care to admit. So I really hope you can forgive me for being an idiot, because I would really like to give this”, Eddie smiles, pointing a finger between them, “us, a chance. Please tell me I can fix this.”

Though Buck seems unsure, the smile fighting it’s way towards his face is the most beautiful thing Eddie has ever seen. “God, we’re a mess.” He chuckles, actually chuckles and Eddie feels like his heart is about to burst. How did they go from ending their friendship to – hopefully – becoming more than friends in less than an hour? Unable to fight the urge any longer, he grabs onto Buck and holds him close, a soft sigh leaving his lips as he feels Buck’s face nestle into his neck.

He’s not sure how long they stand there, just holding each other. They still have a lot to discuss and after tonight, it’s clear they need to work on their communication yet it’s the most perfect moment.

And then Buck pulls back as if burned, eyes shining brightly as he looks at Eddie with wide eyes. “Did you just say that you love me?”

He laughs, a little too loud for the quiet house but he just can’t help himself. He’s so gone on this idiot. “Afraid so. You’re stuck with me now, Buckley.”

“Hmm, I think I’ll be able to manage” Buck responds with newfound enthusiasm. “Though, I might just need a little more convincing. …Can I please kiss you now?”

Eddie pretends to think about it for a second, before moving in almost close enough to have his lips ghost over Buck’s, “Only if that means you’re not leaving”

Judging from Buck’s response, he’s never leaving again.


End file.
